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Saturday, 13 February 2016

Two stories about a country

Two stories:

The first story goes like this. There was a girl. She was different. She lived in a country whose elites and commons strongly opposed the same sex marriage. In fact when the law was passed thousands of miles away in the United States, they protested as if it is passed in their own land. They also condemned those who supported equal LGBT rights. This girl, however, was from the LGBT community.
She stayed quiet because according to her people (even the educated ones), it was a mental disease. She was not well and needed treatment. They declared she couldn't live with normal people. She needed an asylum (according to the educated ones) or death (according to the pious ones).
*************************************End of Story****************************************************

The second story is of a girl who was born in a poor country. She did well in her studies and managed to immigrate to a western country. She did extremely well there and became a renowned scientist.

One day she discovered something big. The world praised her. The elites and commons of her own country were really proud of her. They couldn't stopping boasting about her that she is from their country. They told her stories to their children, their acquaintances and to the world. Her people said that if given the right opportunity, the people of this country could do wonders, like this girl did, and they were absolutely right.
**************************************End of Story******************************************************

What if I tell you that the girl in both the stories is the same; Nergis Mavalvala. What if she was stoned to death in her own country because she was different. And all the educated ones and not-educated ones would have either supported the stoning or stayed quiet. The more "considerate" and "liberal" ones would have condemned stoning and supported the idea of putting her in a mental asylum instead.

Yes. That's us. The people of Islamic Republic of Pakistan.

Saturday, 16 January 2016

Mujhe dushman ke bacho ko parhana hai

Sir Qooba saw ISPR video "Mujhe dushman ke bacho ko parhana hai" (I need to educate enemy's children) made on the sad anniversary of APS' martyred children. Sir Qooba liked idea of educating enemy children!

Sir Qooba thinked that why this idea no came earlier? We could have saved some lives No? Anyway, better late came than never came. Right? (should it be 'than' or 'then'? nevermind.)  But Sir Qooba get disappointed when watched tv because no one is working on the plan to teach enemy children. Everyone fighting, quarreling and accusing each other. 

First Sir Qooba thought of the internationally famous one solution of Pakistan's every problem: "Sabko line mein khara karke goli maardo! (Make a queue and shoot everyone)" but then sir qooba realize, this is exactly what enemy did No? 

Sir Qooba talking to himself: "No no! Sir Qooba, we patriotic pakistanis have to be different. Let's  shelve the idea of 'making queue' for later for politicians only. Will bring it out on the next doctrine of necessity debate."

So Sir Qooba, as lone warrior (just like his mentor Zaid Hamid sb), decided to educate enemy children on his own. So what should we teach first? Holy books tou enemy children read anyway No? With practicals! So let's start with Biology. Sir Qooba open English Medium Sindh Board 9 class biology textbook and find this: 

Sir Qooba recheck cover. Is it Islamiat book or Biology? Check 3 times. It say biology. Oh! O...k.... but maybe next few pages will be different. Right? Let's see next section:
Oh.. lets forget Biology. Let's open Physics.. Let's teach Physics to enemy children. Some solid science yeah! that will knock some sense in their head. *Sir Qooba feel proud of himself*

Ok Class 10 English Medium Physics.. start:

WTF.... Sir Qooba pulls his hair out  Ok.. ok.. Calm Sir Qooba!!! This stuff is something that enemy already teaching to his children.. so we need to teach English perhaps. 

Sir Qooba is gulaabi (pink) in English but no harm in trying. So Lets open English textbook Class 9 Sindh Board:

Dear Lord! Did Prophet do sermon in English? How is this the first entry in English book? Sir Qooba confused. Ok Maybe next chapter is on notable English writer like Shakespeare? Lets see next chapter Sir Qooba (keep calm):

"Wasn't Shah Latif Sindhi poet?" Sir Qooba thinks to himself  "or maybe he was English?.. maybe he apply for HSMP? I don't know". But notable to see that even the chapter on Shah Latif start with "Islam is a religion of peace...". *Sir Qooba, by now, literally saluting with standing ovation to the chairman of the English medium board*

Sir Qooba checks first 8 chapters of the book. There is Allama Iqbal, Rana Liaquat and many others. Only one "The Daffodils" looks relevant odd one out. Sir Qooba demand, this chapter must immediately be taken out and "Shah jo Risalo" or "Sura e Kausar" be put in instead.

Sir Qooba made this demand, not just like that. He got the idea by following this other human religion rights activist guy on Facebook:
But Sir Qooba also not blame Editor board Shazia Aijaz. Maybe poor lady saw so much of religion in every branch of science that she just thought of spamming the whole book with it. Don't blame her.

Sir Qooba now thinking... maybe Enemy has more sensible syllabus than us. Maybe enemy should teach our children than we teaching enemy children No? 

Sir Qooba idea to ISPR: ISPR should also think of a song on these lines. Let's put the responsibility of teaching on enemy. Let them teach our children. The stuff we r teaching, they can teach better No? What an idea Sir Jee! Hain? Kaisa dya? Dya na acha Enemy ko?

But Sir Qooba has another confession. Again, this idea came from following this Principal of an English Medium school, who says, we should outsource our country to Saudia Arabia:

Full interview of principal can be read here for many enlightening topics like behavioural science of co-education. The principal also ponders upon (that despite so much religion in every textbook) 'why teachers are not scared of Allah?' This interview is a wealth of knowledge for enemy and friend children. Must Read!

After all this research, Sir Qooba give this methematical equation as gift to the children of both enemy and friends, from Allam Iqbal Medical college. Thank me later.

Sir Dr. Qooba - PhD

Tuesday, 22 December 2015

M's Story and our Hypocrisy

The story goes like this:

She lived in Swat. 

She wanted to educate people. 

She was opposed for doing so by her critics. 

Critics then turned attackers. Situation got worse and she was attacked. 

She survived. 

In many other attacks, her fellow citizens died. 

Some people even went further and blamed her for those deaths.

And all other things going wrong in their state (from divorces to corruption).

To save her life, she migrated to Birmingham. 

The world accepted her, praised her. 

Her own people called her a drama. 

Her name was Malala. This is her story.

Now please use the following key,read again and rate your hypocrisy:
(From 0 'I take sides based on issues/principles'  ---------  to  --------- 10 'I takes sides based on who is involved'):

She/Her with  He/Him/His
Swat with Mecca
Birmingham with Medina
Malala with Muhammad

Wednesday, 20 May 2015

A conversation with Ansar Abbasi

A conversation with people like Ansar Abbasi (AA) after the Safoora Goth Massacre:

Me: Some Islamic scriptures support violence and murder.

AA: Don't blame Islam. If Muslims cannot understand the scriptures, with the right context then don't accuse Islam.

Me: Ok then, Muslims are to be blamed. 

AA: Not all Muslims. Do NOT stereotype! 

Me: Ok some Muslims. 

AA: But those are NOT True Muslims!

Me: Ok then let's make laws so they cannot do what they are doing. So they cannot preach hate. So they cannot pass judgments on people's faith. Let's catch, trial and jail them.

AA: Jail them??!?? All they are asking for is Shariah Law. Where is your SECULAR FREEDOM OF SPEECH NOW!??!??

*Rangeela does Sajda. Accepts Islam*

(There must be a God who is making sure that people of this IQ are in the top 0.0001% salary bracket)

Thursday, 18 December 2014

Updated: Malala's Conspiracy theory

There has been a recent development in Malala's story. She has been awarded the Nobel by the Yahood o Hunood West, hence it is requested that all Palang Tor Patriots update themselves accordingly:

When Malala was shot:
1̶.̶ ̶S̶h̶e̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶ ̶s̶h̶o̶t̶.̶ ̶S̶h̶e̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶a̶c̶t̶i̶n̶g̶.̶

When Imran Khan condemned the incident:
̶2̶.̶ ̶S̶h̶e̶ ̶was̶ ̶s̶h̶o̶t̶ ̶b̶u̶t̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶ ̶b̶y̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶T̶T̶P̶.̶ ̶S̶h̶o̶t̶ ̶b̶y̶ ̶C̶I̶A̶.̶
When TTP continued to attack Army sites and Malala given international recognition:
3̶.̶ ̶S̶h̶e̶ ̶was̶ ̶s̶h̶o̶t̶ ̶b̶y̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶T̶T̶P̶ ̶b̶u̶t̶ ̶T̶T̶P̶ ̶a̶r̶e̶ ̶C̶I̶A̶ ̶a̶g̶e̶n̶t̶s̶
When TTP wrote the letter, explaining why they shot her:
4. She was shot by the TTP who regret the incident. She should leave the judgement to Allah. After all what TTP are writing in their letter is absolutely true about the New World Order.

When she received the Nobel:
5. She is innocent and genuine but her father is fraud and sold out.

After the Peshawar Attack:
6. Malala is responsible for Peshawar attack. After her drama to nuke and isolate Pakistan flopped, CIA paid Taliban more money to do a bigger attack to make Pakistan look bad in the eyes of the world.

(The above is valid until any new event)
This is a mere coincidence that the evolutionists that I hav
e met, also voted for PTI in the elections.

Friday, 7 November 2014


A tribute to the oppressed women and children of this country. Who gave up everything to make this a better place!

Singer: Sona Mohapatra
Music: Ram Sampat

Daily Motion:



Thursday, 4 September 2014

Tabdeeli or your Guilt?

Aaj kal Facebook pe Khan saab ki support mein bohot se log likh rahay hain. Nazariyaati log kam reh gaye hain aur shakhsiyat ke pujari zyada. Mein unki neeyat pe shak nahi karta lekin mein kaisay maan loon ke unn ki neeyat mein tabdeeli agai hai? Mujhay lagta hai, zyada tar log apni guilt mita rahay hain Imran Khan ko support karke. Kal Imran Khan aa bhi jayega tou inhein koi aur bahana mil jayega tax churanay ka. Cheating karnay ka. Aur aisay system ko kya chalna hai jo ek shakhsiyat ki existence pe based ho?

Mein yaqeen karloonga ke sahi tabdeeli agai hai jis din hamari elite class apnay walidain, azeez o aqarib, mohallay ke uncles, jernail chaachaas, aur 18 grade ke bureaucrat maamas se bhi yehi sawal karnay ke qabil hojayegi: "Aap ne itni daulat kaise banai? Hum paanch behen bhaio ko Amrika London IBA LUMS CBM executive education programs mein parhnay kaise bheja itni si salary mein? Kaise ye 1000 gaz ka ghar banaya Defense mein? Kitna tax dya pichhlay 20 saal mein?"

Jis din hum Pervez Khattak se bhi wohi sawal karengay jo hum Nawaz Shareef se kartay hain ke Aap ke dono bachay London mein kaise parhtay hain govt salary pe? Aur aap itna kam tax detay hain. Jis din anti-corruption hamara principle stand hoga. Cult based nahi. Ke Imran Khan ne keh dya tou sirf Nawaz Shareef se sawal karo.

Jis din democracy hamara yaqeen hoga. Agr meray mukhalif ko bhi vote paray tou bismillah. Naa ke ye ke agr mein haar jaoon tou democracy nahi khilafat chahiye. Wo tou mein democracy ki himayat sirf iss liye kar raha thha kyunke Khan sb ne kaha thha.

Jis din hum insaani jaan ko utni hee ahmeeyat dengay jitni deni chahiye. Jis din human rights hamara nazariya hoga. TTP jab MQM ya ANP ke logo ko maaregi tou hum ta'asub aur siyasi mukhalfat ki bunyad pe usko "drama" nahi kahengay aur na hee taaveelaat (excuses) paish karengay. Hum unke liye bhi awaz uthayenge.

Jis din hum aurto ke huqooq ki baat karengay. Malala ko lagnay wali goli pe jashn nahi manayenge aur dikhanay ko hamdardi nahi jatayenge sirf iss liye kyunke Khan sb Malala ke saath hain.

Acha baat sunein. Ooper kahi gai tamaam baatein mazaq thhiin. Please ignore all above. Asl mein mujhay kehna thha: Jis din roti sasti hogi aur mehngi hogi jaan. Ek din ayega aisa hoga Pakistan. Mein tou dekhoonga (kyunke ye gaana aaj kal 'in' hai)