Follow Yaqub on Twitter

Monday 13 May 2013

Mohib e Watan Phuppa

Jab hum school mein thhe, tou imaginary cricket mein, kapil dev, navjot sidhu, ravi shastri, Sachin jaise cricketers ko out karke apni patriotism ka bharam jhaartay thhe. Phir manoj prabharkar, srinath, prasad waghaira ko chhakkay laga kar. Aakhri gaind pe pak watan ko fatah se humkinaar karke mahmood ghaznavi aur mohammad bin qasim ki safo mein shaamil hojatay thhe. (Ye baray ho kar pata chala ke dono daku thhe. Kaash ye haqeeqat hum pe kabhi zahir na hoti. Aisa mehsoos hota hai ke aadha bachpan zaya gya). Khair ye thhiin wo masoomaana khwaahishaat jin se hub ul watni ka izhaar hota thha. 14th August pe jhanda lagana, Match ke doraan naray, Hockey ke goal pe mukkay lehrana waghaira.

Jaisay jaisay ye tareeqay common hotay gaye, patriotic aur fiercely patriotic ka farq mit ta chala gya. Ab fiercely patriotic logo ke liye differentiation qayam rakhna mushkil hota jaa raha thha. Iss liye baat khoon kharabay tak pohonch gayee. Logo ne likhna shru kardya "I bleed green", "Green blood in my veins". 

Baray phuppa ne bataya ke I am bleeding green. Phuppi khush hogayeen ke phuppa mohib e wattan hogaye hain. Ek dam Palang tor patriot! Waise bhi Phuppa ne kuch din pehle hee Bijli ka kunda daaltay huey kaha thha "Zardari bara chor ka bacha hai bhei. Wo chori karay, tou hum kyun na karein?" Zardari ko gaali de ke saaray wohi kaam karna, aam taur se palang tor patriotism ki pehli nishani hoti hai. Uske baad bleeding green! Ab tou Phuppi sameet sari family ko yaqeen ho chala thha ke Phuppa Mohib e wattan hogaye hain.

Kuch din baad Phuppa ki death hogai. Pata chala phuppa ko gangrene thhi. Isi liye green blood nikal raha thha. Hum khushiaan manatay rahay aur udher phuppa kehte rahay ke I bleed green, I bleed green.


THE END

In another unrelated news: A certain patriotic segment is celebrating that the change is coming while some others just burying the coffins of their loved ones.

Sunday 5 May 2013

Shart Lagata hai?

Ek film ka scene yaad agya. Scene kuch aisa thha ke do dost ek dafa kahiin jaa rahay thhe. Raastay mein ek shakhs mila. Dost shararti thhe. Badmaash bhi keh saktay hain. Unko mazaq soojha. Ek ne doosray se zor se kaha:

Dost1: "Yar Shart lagata hai. Tu iss aadmi ko mukka maarega aur isay kuch nahi hoga"
Dost2: "Acha ye baat hai ye le" (Aadmi ke mukka jar deta hai)
Aadmi: "Bhai mein ne kya kiya?"
Dost2: "Kuch nahi hamari shart lagi thhi. Acha ab mein shart lagata hoon. Ab ki baar isko kuch nahi hoga"
Dost1: "Ye le" (Wo bhi mukka jar deta hai)

Iss tarah baari baari mukhtalif heelay bahano se wo uss shakhs ki khaasi pitaai kar ke chaltay bantay hain. Aadmi bechara zameen pe adh mua, zakhmi ye sochta reh jata hai ke uske saath hua kya.
Audience taali bajati hai. Paisa vusool. 

In another Development: Maulana Fazlur Rehman has said "Imran is a Qadiyani (derogatory term for Ahmedis) agent. He is Kaafir. He asks for votes from Qadiyanis"

First Punch. Ahmedis wonder that they never offered to vote for Imran Khan nor they ever went into this debate. Why are they even being discussed?

Imran Khan replies "Diesel is lying. I firmly believe Qadiyanis are kaafirs. Anyone who claims to be Prophet after Muhammad (SAW) is a kaafir and a liar"

Second Punch. Ahmedis continue to wonder that they never asked PTI UK member to seek vote from them. They were never in it. Never wanted to be in it. Then why?

People of Pakistan clap. Paisa Vusool.

THE END

(Govinda explains it better than me http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_76HH74pc-I )
Imran Khan voted for Fazlur Rehman as Prime Minister in 2002